Seeking Balance and Cultivating a Nest

Photo by Rachel Barkdoll

You know what they say about not knowing what you have until it’s gone? That’s how I learned my formula for peace of mind and acceptance. I had “it” without even knowing it. Then, I thought I had “it” and could do it on my own. Finally, I stumbled upon “it” again while grasping for an alternative to an ever-growing sense of self-doubt and diminishing self-esteem.
 
I was lucky enough to have been surrounded by teams, teammates and coaches for most of my younger years. Coaches, from soccer to golf to field hockey, told my parents and me that I could get a scholarship to play DI (NCAA Division I Varsity — the highest level of collegiate sports). I could see a purpose and a goal ahead of me. That young adult purpose crystallized when I was recruited to join the Michigan Field Hockey program to be a foundational part of building a National Championship caliber program.
 
I was fortunate at that time to be physically and mentally stimulated while feeling deeply connected to the others with whom I was working toward a goal that was bigger than all of us. We won a national championship. During that time in my life, I felt like I was “in stride.” I stretched and grew and reached outside of my team to connect with people all over campus. I felt alive, receptive and curious. I can see in retrospect that it was due in large part to the empowerment and safety provided to me by my team, my coaches and a bigger-than-myself purpose.

I graduated with some accolades, and I had some career prospects. I didn’t need shades for my future, but it wasn’t dim. Let’s just say no one was worried about me. But within a few years, I felt untethered, unsure of my purpose and increasingly insecure about my skills and value. I sputtered, wandering from marketing job to marketing job with slight levels of progress. I never quite felt like I had when I was in college. I had lots of friends, but many were getting married or had moved in with their partners. I had work buddies. I had relationships, but nothing that felt even close to a team. I felt I had no real mentors or that maybe I squandered the opportunities for mentorship that had been available to me. On the surface, it all looked relatively fine, but I was starting to feel desperate as I crept into my 30s. Then, I hit a slide that didn’t end well but did bring about a critical inflection point.
 
In a place and time when self-sufficiency and burnout seem to be canonized, I begrudgingly surrendered those idolized principles. I put down the fast living and ambitious compulsion and adopted a “keep it simple” solution. In doing so, I found a community and rediscovered a team (in my family and some of my friends who had been there the whole time) and regained my self-esteem. Through that experience, I was empowered to ask for information about “coaches” — both “life” and career coaches.
 
Now on the brink of a non-descript “mid-to-late” thirties birthday, I feel valuable because, regardless of my skills or work value, I can always be useful to those around me because of my willingness to be of service to others and that provides me great purpose. I have a peace of mind that I couldn’t have bought, and with the rocky road that led me here also comes gratitude for it. I have a community, a team and multiple coaches in whom I can trust and with whom I can be vulnerable. And once again, I feel mentally stimulated and inspired. This time through a spirituality that I would never have wanted or expected and frankly continues to morph on a weekly and monthly basis.
 
So if I had to boil it down to a few elements that have set me up for peace of mind and acceptance, it’s these three things:

1. HONEST, REGULAR AND ACCOUNTABLE CONNECTION TO A TEAM

The most meaningful definition of this that I’ve heard is “honest communication between friends protected by walls of human community.”

2. ONGOING MENTAL AND PHYSICAL EDUCATION, WHICH FULFILLS MY MENTAL AND PHYSICAL CURIOSITY

Now, I nurture my body and mind in the same way that I nurture my house plants. With love, attention and faith in the process of meeting their needs. Not with a desire to have the most beautiful house plants but rather to have house plants that I can see are healthy and strong.

3. HAVING A PURPOSE THAT IS BIGGER THAN ME AND NOT MATERIAL

In other words, I aim to live in service to others or in a spiritual way, and I refer to the Oxford Dictionary definition of spirituality when I say this: “Relating to or affecting the human spirit or soul as opposed to material or physical things.” I now recognize that service to others can be as simple as picking up the trash on my block when I take my dog out or as significant as serving on a nonprofit board.
 
In closing, I am certain I have not achieved perfect balance in my life, but I feel much closer today. If seeking balance sounds appealing to you, I would simply encourage you to embark on your own fact-finding mission. Beyond cultivating my “nest,” I mostly attribute my acceptance to loosening my grip and opening up. So with that, I bid thee well as you seek objectivity, openness, and humility.  

Stephanie Johnson

Stephanie Johnson is a mission-driven marketing consultant and early-stage organizational management specialist. She focuses on developing social impact programs that impact girls' and young women's outcomes through sport. She founded Rub Some Dirt on It Chronicles, which explores women's stories of sports, resilience and recovery.