Female Leadership and Belonging

When I was young I was truly perplexed by the social norms of the audience in the theater. My mother used to take me and my sister to see the Nutcracker every year at the Kennedy Center. We’d be in the audience, in our prettiest dresses, instructed not to make any noise or wiggle around too much. But this tantalizing scene was unfolding right in front of us — sugar plum fairies and nutcrackers and magicians and snowflakes! It was all so beautiful and I wanted to jump out of my seat and go be a part of it. But I never did — not once. And I never saw anyone else do it either. I could never understand what force was in place that kept all of these thousands of people in their seats. How could it be that no one ever seemed to be unable to contain the urge to jump up onto the stage and immerse themselves in the beautiful scenes taking place right outside their grasp? 

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Audience members belong in the audience. Performers belong on stage. It’s really as simple as that. We are hard-wired to stay where we belong, and moving out of that space is uncomfortable, but can also be exhilarating and transformational. That may be what led me down the path of becoming a tap dancer — a dance form built on improvisation and the thrilling and ever-present potential for a challenge, in which hoofers attempt to out tap one another, and anyone can jump right on in. The director of my dance company, a brilliant woman named Toni Lombre, made it clear that tap dancers were never to be caught anywhere without their shoes, in the off chance that a dance challenge were to pick up. Tap dance challenges blur the lines of audience and performer, inviting everyone in — so long as you have the nerve to put yourself out there.

Too often, we are kept in place by invisible, unspoken social norms. And too often, those invisible barriers keep us from advancing ourselves and living up to our true potential. Impostor syndrome makes us tell ourselves that we don’t belong where we’re standing, we don’t deserve the promotion we received, we’re not really qualified for the job we’re doing… and on and on. I only wish every one of us had a Toni Lombre instructing us to always have our shoes ready for the next challenge -- helping us see that we do belong in the dance.

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The power of belonging that can hold us back, however, can also be a force of stability, purpose, and community. Where we belong is deeply embedded in our identity. Many of the conversations we have had this year as a part of our Tide Risers curriculum have helped some of our Members uncover a deep relationship between the places they feel they belong and how they identify themselves. The discovery of your belonging — be it a physical location, a community, or a state of mind — is a powerful step toward understanding who we are and how we show up in the world. For female leaders, this self awareness is critical, as it enables us to fully live out our own unique leadership profile. As we collectively redefine female leadership, we have a tremendous opportunity to create an expectation of leadership that is true and authentic to our experience and reflective of our identities.

-Lara Holliday is the Founder + CEO of Tide Risers