Your Inner Critic as Your Ally
Photo by Milada Vigerova on Unsplash
My mantra for this year is ‘I have the resources I need to manage this.’
To make this belief a reality, I’ve learned to identify resources I may not have recognized or fully utilized in the past. One of these may come as a surprise to you: it’s our ubiquitous friend, the inner critic.
The inner critic is the voice that comes to you whenever you’re thinking of taking a risk, doing something different, or stepping out of your comfort zone in any way. It’s the voice that says ‘you don’t have what it takes’, ‘what makes you think you could possibly do that’, and ‘everyone’s going to think this stinks’. For some of us, this voice is a constant presence while for others it pops up when we least need to hear it.
A lot has been written about how to silence, banish, and wage war against the inner critic. But what if instead of fighting it, we learned how to make the inner critic our ally in pursuing our intentions, developing leadership skills, and living our Emprise?
Let’s face it: banishing this voice hasn’t worked. It only gets louder when we try to quiet it. That’s because it’s serving an important purpose in our lives: it’s the voice of safety and protection. It keeps us from harm in a world that is rarely secure or predictable.
It’s this voice that tries to ensure that we won’t disappoint ourselves or others, won’t bite off more than we can chew, and won’t make a fool of ourselves. It plays an important role, and to negate its importance is to deprive ourselves of a potential ally in becoming our best selves.
Our latest Tide Risers session featured Marion Biglan, Tide Risers Coach and inner critic expert. She said:
“There is something about embracing our shadows that allows us to see our light.”
Our Tide Risers cohort program is designed to help women find and pursue their Emprise, which is a professional or personal calling rooted in your values that you actively and consciously design to bring you fulfilment and purpose. We focus on our inner critic fairly early in the process of finding our Emprise because we need to embrace that shadowy voice so that we can see our light. We need all the resources we can get our hands on when we’re pursuing our Emprise, and using the inner voice as our ally is key to our success.
Making your inner voice an ally means re-examining your relationship with your voice, appreciating what it has to offer, and then inviting in other, differing points of view. Here are some tips to help you transform your relationship with your inner critic:
Gather your courage to actively listen. Often we think of courage as having the strength to lift our voice to speak our truth. In Tide Risers, we also focus on exercising the courage it takes to actively listen to others, holding their viewpoints and considering their intentions. You’ll need this courage to actively listen to your inner critic.
Listen to this recording of Tide Risers Coach Marion Biglan leading a visualization that will help you learn from your inner voice.
Ask yourself: what is the cost of listening to your inner voice and following it? What might you miss out on? What might that voice have kept you from doing in the past?
Read The Guest House poem by Jalaluddin Rumi. Consider inviting in your inner critic and learning what you can from it while it is visiting.
Read this article by Ruchika Tulshyan and Jodi-Ann Burey asserting that to help women avoid the experiences that culminate in impostor syndrome, leaders must create work environments that address systemic bias and racism.
Set an intention to make your inner critic your ally.
And as always, give yourself the space, time, and community to reflect and learn.
Lara Holliday is the Founder + CEO of Tide Risers
